Being Emotionally There For Your Spouse
The vast majority of couples do not communicate
properly. You might think you communicate just fine, but any time you
discount what your spouse is saying, or any time you interrupt with your
own view on things, you are not communicating properly. It is not that
you should not have your own viewpoints, but there is a certain way you
ought to express yourself without “over throwing” someone else’s
feelings. Opinionated people do not communicate well – they are too
concerned with their own opinion to open their mind to anyone else’s
opinion. And this can cause problems in your relationships.
In marriage, it is very important that we take the
time to listen to what our spouse is saying and to hear the message they
are trying to tell us. If we don’t hear what they are saying, how can
we answer back productively? The problem is couples are impatient with
each other, at times, and that keeps them from actually hearing what
their spouse has to say. Many times, out of impatience, we hurry up and
interject with our own feelings and thoughts on a certain subject. Now
how selfish is that? Have you ever not wanted to accept what your spouse
is saying? You couldn’t believe what you ears were actually hearing,
and so you either walked away or zoned them out?
Many times, especially during an argument or debate
we believe that our way of thinking is the only right way, and so we
just don’t care what our spouse has to say about it. How rude! Paying
attention to your spouse and understanding “what” they are saying
and “why” they are saying it is an important part of interacting
with your spouse that can bring you closer together on the emotional and
intimate levels. The more you do not express yourself or the more you do
not try and listen and understand your spouse the further apart
emotionally you will become.
Put yourself in your husband’s/wife’s shoes.
How do you do that? Actually sit down and mentally put yourself in the
thought patterns of your spouse. We all have good reasons of why we feel
a certain way and that goes for your spouse too. If you feel
contradictory towards their way of thinking, don’t be disagreeable or
intolerable; learn to express yourself productively without hurting your
spouse! The more you interrupt or behave intolerable the more closed
lipped and silent your spouse becomes and the further apart you will
both be emotionally from one another.
Next time you are debating or arguing, let your
spouse talk freely, and without you offering your opinion. Listen
carefully to what they are trying to say. Ask questions. “Why” do
they feel a certain way, and “what” do they want to do about it? But
don’t be impatient and intolerant. Communicate wisely by listening
first, and then negotiating, if you feel differently than they do. When
you think they are done expressing themselves, ask them first if they
are done talking before you start telling your side of things.
A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11 NIV)
Questions for Couples
1. How can we become more intimate and close with our spouse through communication? Is that possible?
2. Have you ever put yourself in your spouses shoes? How would you do that?
3. What do you see or understand better about your spouse when you wear their shoes for a day?
4. How often should a husband and wife have a intimate conversation?
At least once a day! Because of the lack of communication between couples they lose touch with each other and that causes them to feel they can get their emotional needs met somewhere else. Husband and wife need quality alone time for self expression and for hearing each other out about their needs, wants, ideas, thoughts, goals, etc.
5. Name five ways in which you can be more considerate of your spouses feelings and self expression?
6. Now apply those five ways with your spouse next time you have a close and intimate conversation.
Don't LOSE TOUCH with your spouse! Get connected and stay connected!