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The Assertive Husband Is The Smart
Husband Why do I think the assertive husband
is a smart husband? Well, it’s what I have been saying all along about
marriage and adultery. Husband’s and wives need to communicate their
needs with each other – it is paramount to the well being of the
marriage that couples stay close to one another through the act of
intimacy and communication. For instance, last night on 20/20,
Barbara Walters interviewed Peter Cook about his affair with an eighteen
year old. He said that his wife Christy Brinkley was not meeting his
needs and that he just wanted some acknowledgment and appreciation from
her for all that he has done for their family over the years. She was
too busy taking care of her own ego-induced needs to SEE that she was
depriving her husband of the love he needed, and I’m not just talking
about sex here either. Sex is secondary to our emotional needs getting
met. Peter Cook should have asserted
himself with his wife Christy Brinkley (now ex wife) instead of getting
his needs met outside the marriage. Perhaps had he sat down with his
wife and explained his feelings and position she would have stopped
being so self-absorbed within her own little world and would have
accommodated her husband’s needs a little better for the sake of the
marriage and family. This is why the assertive husband is the smart
husband. Instead of looking for love outside the marriage a husband
should try and preserve the love that is already in the marriage! If a man feels unappreciated by his
wife, he needs to speak up in a positive and productive way. If his
physical and emotional needs are not getting met, he needs to speak up
and talk to his wife through productive communication. Most of the time
it is not the wife’s fault that she has stopped validating and
appreciating her husband, it is the fast-paced busy lifestyle that has
literally not given her time to give her husband attention. But a
friendly reminder does wonders. Productive communication methods
always steer towards self and how YOU feel, not how your spouse “made
you feel”. Do you see the difference? Don’t be afraid to assert
yourself, you wife will be genuinely happy that you did. Intimacy Brings Couples Together. 1) “I feel that our busy lifestyle
is moving us in separate direction and because of that my emotional and
physical needs are not getting met. I’m sure you have needs too.
I want to spend more quality/intimate time with you – I miss
you.” Being Assertive is Good For
Marriage. 2) “There are some women at work
that flirt with me and I have been tempted to flirt back and I may have
already, I don’t want to do anything against the marriage but these
women make me feel good about myself.” Trust is Important For Marriage 3) “I’m not feeling very good
about my position in this marriage. I feel that we need to talk about
where each of us is heading and what we want for this marriage. I feel
that the bond we once had is stretching kind of thin”. Appreciation is Good For Marriage 4) “I have certain needs and I
feel that those needs just aren’t getting met. It seems that we are
growing apart and that is bad for our marriage. I just want to let you
know that I do appreciate all that you do for the children but I feel
left out of the equation – I need you too.” Cooperation is Productive
Communication 5) “I think we need to talk. I
will express my needs and wants to you first, but you don’t get to
interrupt until I am done talking. Then you can express your needs and
wants and I won’t interrupt until you are done talking. Then lets talk
about how we can work together to get our needs met.” Couples need to be assertive through
productive communication. Husbands really need to speak up and talk
about their feelings. If a husband feels undervalued and not
appreciated, talk with your wife. Wife if you feel undervalued then talk
with your husband. Don’t wait until after you had an affair to tell
your spouse how you feel or “why” you did it. Adultery hurts too
many lives to play games like that. Do the right thing and talk with
your spouse, today! Be the smart husband. Peter Cook almost in tears said to
Barbara Walters in the interview, “I knew it was wrong having an
affair, but I felt Christy was not acknowledging me. All I wanted was to
be acknowledged in some small way by my wife… Our marriage grew apart
and it was more of a sister/brother kind of a relationship…. My needs
were not getting met…I knew that I should have talked with her and
maybe healing could have taken place and we could have worked on our
marriage.” Apparently she was too busy with her
own separate life to notice that her husband was literally crying out
for love. I felt sorry for the guy. Understand that this very same thing
is happening today in thousands of marriages across the globe. Are you
going to do the right thing and talk about what you need and want
through assertiveness or are you going to get your needs met outside the
boundaries of your marriage? It’s your choice. Copyright 2008 Angie Lewis – Heaven Ministries |