5 Steps To Trusting Your Spouse Again
Ministries Copyright © 2008
What makes us lose trust in our spouse? Many things can and will lead to mistrust of our spouse, that is to say those things that go against the sanctity of the marriage. Adultery causes many other problems in the marriage besides jealousy, anger, suspicion and mistrust, if a spouse commits it.
It only takes thirty seconds to lose trust in your spouse, but it takes weeks, months, and sometimes years to gain back that trust after a spouse commits adultery or some other grave sin against the marriage. Rebuilding trust is an ongoing process that takes certain steps to accomplish. Instead of arguing, blaming and disrespecting each other every night, do something about it and restore your marriage!
1. Focus on What You Can Do For Yourself
Understand that not trusting your spouse has nothing to do with them, but everything to do with you. You have to take care of yourself by choosing to do what it is you need to do to bring trust back into the relationship. You can do this by taking the focus off of them and begin working on yourself. The more you focus on how rotten and horrible they are for hurting you, the more difficult it will be to come out of those negative feelings and forgive.
At some point in time, sooner is better than later, you will have to forgive your spouse, if you want to be able to trust them once again. An unforgiving heart will never be able to trust again. One way in which we learn to forgive is by realizing that we all make mistakes and we all sin. We have all erred in some way shape or form against our spouse and marriage. But Christ has forgiven us – He has not made a tally of our wrongs, and we should not keep score either.
I’m obviously writing this article in the hopes that the erring spouse has repented of his or her wrongdoing and has desisted in the wrong. As Christ Ones, we are always accountable to God, but should we be accountable to our spouse too? Yes! Marriage is a union that thrives on righteousness for the purity of the marriage and the happiness of the couples in the marriage; therefore, couples should be accountable to each other. Calling your spouse during the day, or stopping by their work place at anytime during the day are forms of accountability.
4. Time Tells
With time and forgiveness from your heart, and with the erring spouse being accountable for their actions, trust can be rebuilt and the marriage restored to what it once was.
The first aspect of marriage to go when a spouse has committed adultery is intimacy. It is difficult to be intimate with someone you once trusted but who has hurt you so deeply, but that is precisely why we need to forgive and ask Christ to help us with that forgiveness. Once you have forgiven and your spouse has repented and asked for forgiveness, there is no reason, whatsoever that you can not rekindle that flame and bring the closeness you once shared back into the marriage.
In Christian marriages Christ should be at the head of every aspect of the marriage so couples have righteousness to base their actions from. The minute we take Christ out of the equation, we begin to get selfish, rebellious and tempted into the sins of society once again.